"I'll be the banks to your river...."

 

There have been several questions about Ann-Marie and my tattoos, so I thought I would use my "forgotten" blog to tell the story and for me to remember

The story starts in March 2020.....remember the quarantine we all went through?  For us, the quarantine unveiled issues that were getting worse in Ann-Marie's life.  There were behaviors that Darrell and I didn't understand and we didn't know how to help Ann-Marie.  It became apparent that Ann-Marie needed a therapist, but at that time (and as we are learning), finding a good therapist and waiting for availability takes time.  During that summer, I discovered that the band, Need to Breathe, had released an Album - Out of Body.  As I was running and listening to the songs, God used one song in particular to speak to me - "Banks"....give it a listen:

https://youtu.be/fqifjBtNzLw

I had this song on repeat, often crying and praying and running (most often all at the same time) because I felt that I was failing Ann-Marie as a parent.  What God taught me during this time is, although he did give Darrell and I as "banks" to Ann-Marie, creating boundaries in her life, I needed to let go and trust God's plan for Ann-Marie's life.  I needed to let go of my control and look for how God was working in and through the situation.

Sometime around November, God provided the perfect therapist and in February 2021, the right diagnosis and treatment.  I was able to watch my daughter become more mentally and physically healthy and learn to cope with a mental diagnosis she will have to navigate her entire life.  It also opened up a family history that has provided me with healing, but that is another story for another time.

Ann-Marie has told us she was going to get tattoos after she turned 18, so it was not a surprise when she got her first one at the end of 2021.  Her theory behind tattoos are that they need to be meaningful to her and tell the story of her life.  Her first tattoo is the symbol for ADHD and Eating Disorders, the diagnosis we waited for in 2020.

So my tattoo began with a funny story - before Ann-Marie went to college, she threatened to shave her head.  I (half-jokingly) told her that if she didn't shave her head, I would pay for her first tattoo.  That turned into me telling her about the song that God gave me when she was struggling, which then became our song.  Then I told her I was open to a coordinating tattoo telling this story, and she sketched the tattoos.  As I considered getting this tattoo, I talked with Darrell and prayed about it.  Last week, God directed me to Psalm 46:

God is our refuge and strength,

    a very present help in trouble.

 

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

 

though its waters roar and foam,

    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

    the holy habitation of the Most High.

 

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;

    God will help her when morning dawns.

The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;

    he utters his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord of hosts is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
    how he has brought desolations on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the chariots with fire.
 “Be still, and know that I am God.
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth!”
 The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

My tattoo has a river and a bank with a cross, which signifies God's faithfulness and trusting in His plan.  I had Ann-Marie add in mountains, because I love mountains - it is where I feel the most peaceful.  Ann-Marie's tattoo has a river and banks also, with small mountains in the background.  Hers has a sun, signifying her new self and new beginnings after her diagnosis, plus a smaller moon which signifies the old part of her that will always be.

As I look at my tattoo, I see two purposes for myself and three meaningful purposes I can share with others.  

For myself:  it helps me remember God's faithfulness-it is good to remember- and it helps me when I miss Ann-Marie.

For others:  a story of God's faithfulness I can share, parenting encouragement for others that are struggling during the teen years, and the things God has provided that bring us peace and comfort and point to Him (for me, the mountains).

So, to quote Paul Harvey:  "So that's the rest of the story!"